Since The Shaved Emasculated Shell Of Johnny Damon wouldn’t take an $11 million pay cut, on Wednesday the Yankees instead gave a one-year $2 million deal to Randy Winn, the 17th Greatest Devil Ray Ever.

It remains unclear why the Yankees insisted on signing a fourth outfielder who was older than God.

Winn, while ancient, is actually seven months younger than TSESOJD.  Winn also had a .318 OBP last year and hit 2 home runs in 538 at bats.

Fun stat from The LoHud Yankees Blog: “[Last year,] Cody Ransom hit better against lefties than Winn did [.158/.184/.200 line as a right-handed batter].”

Meanwhile, Ed “Lover” Valentine has set up a TSESOJD Appreciation Thread at Pinstripe Alley.

While Curtis Granderson is certainly an upgrade over the now departed Melky “White Substance” Cabrera, Winn will be competing for a starting job with the awful corner outfield combo of Brett Gardner and Nick Swisher.  Winn is almost certain to put up decent numbers since the Yankees are generally a better offensive team than the post-G-POPE Giants were, but the bottom half of the Yankees lineup might remind you of a team with Benji Molina hitting cleanup.

The Yankees were also rumored to have been interested in signing Reed “Chin Pubes” Johnson — no word yet if Johnson was reluctant to shed his trademark chin pubes to comply with the Yankees’ fascist facial hair policies.