Super Bowl Media Day is an exercise in madness. Hundreds of writers, columnists, reporters, talking heads, bloggers and hot Latin TV personalities have converged on Miami to bombard players and coaches from the Saints and Colts with scores of cliched and inane questions.

I’ve never had the pleasure to experience this cattle call in person, but watching NFL.com’s comprehensive coverage online nearly gave me a stroke. Flipping back and forth between thirteen different player cameras for three hours is not advisable if you can avoid it.

There were plenty of stupid queries tossed around throughout the day and a few good ones as well. For the most part, the guys and gals with microphones and tape recorders did a decent job. However, there were a number of questions that went unasked which I think should have been tabled. Here are ten subjects not broached at Super Bowl Media Day:

10 – Asked to Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey: Where is the best bar in Miami to get shitfaced?

9 – Asked to Colts quarterback Peyton Manning: Is Jim Caldwell in fact a Cylon?

8 – Asked to Saints safety Roman Harper: How does it feel to be named after the greatest empire ever?

7 – Asked to Colts tight end Dallas Clark: Do you use scissors or clippers to trim your goatee?

6 – Asked to Saints defensive end Will Smith: Any truth to the rumor about a sequel to Independence Day?

5 – Asked to Colts backup quarterback Curtis Painter: Which do you prefer: Gloss or semi-gloss?

4 – Asked to Saints head coach Sean Payton: Are you as big a douchebag as you seem to be?

3 – Asked to Colts running back Joseph Addai: How many plays do you expect to last before getting hurt on Sunday?

2 – Asked to Saints running back Reggie Bush: How many minutes are left in Kim Kardashian’s fifteen?

1 – Asked to Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney: Do you think District 9 deserved its Best Picture nomination?

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