Now that spring training is upon us and the pretend games are ready to start, SportsUntapped presents a two-part series listing the Top 5 Off-Field MLB Stories and Top 5 On-Field MLB Stories of the offseason.  Today, y’all get the off-field list….

5. Kate Hudson dumps Alex Rodriguez

Almost Famous remains permanently ruined.

4. Matt Kemp gets with Rihanna

Supposedly they’re just friends, but I don’t put my hands on my friends’ asses like that.

3. Derek Jeter gets a restaurant hostess fired a few weeks before Christmas

Jeter misses a clutch opportunity to help out one of his fans.

2. Mark McGwire finally admits he did steroids, sort of apologizes, continues bitching about media attention

1. Derek Jeter stars in Tiger Woods’ sex dream

At least one of Tiger’s mistresses was one of Jeter’s exes.  The money quote:

“I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f – – -ed by Derek [Jeter] and David [Boreanaz, Agent Booth from FOX's hit drama Bones]. Some part of me thinks you would like that.”