Top 10 Worst Sports Media Personalities

There are so few respectable sports personalities out there that this list could actually be a few dozen long. But these are the ten worst. The absolute, nightmarish worst.

10. Janet Eagleson

Anyone who knows anything, whatsoever, about hockey knows that the Yahoo fantasy syndicate is completely devoid of any whiff of hockey knowledge. Though she is largely unknown and completely insignificant, she pisses me off. A lot. Janet Eagelson knows absolutely nothing about hockey and writes with a “sassy ‘tude” that would make you think she has a clue. She does not. Beat it geek.

9. Shannon Sharpe

Marbles in mouth. Jibber jabber non-sense. I sincerely have no idea what he is talking about more than half the time. No thank you.

8. Mike and Mike

How these two became the hosts of ESPN’s flagship radio program is beyond me.  I really don’t have much to say about these two except that they are boring. Paint drying, doctor office waiting, wacking off for the fourth time of the day boring.

7. Bill Walton

While reading an Allen Ginsberg poem on acid Bill Walton must’ve thought, “One day I will bring the solemnity and awe-inspiring power of language to the game of basketball”.  Yikes.

6. John Hollinger

“Hi, I’m John Hollinger. Instead of enjoying basketball for the beautiful game of majestic athleticism that it is, I am going to invent new stats every day and try to make them seem more important than the actual playing of the game itself. “ Who wants to see a lethal cross-over or a court-long alley-oop or a game-winning buzzer beater when you could compare two player’s efficiency ratings on a spread sheet instead?

5. Scoop Jackson

Scoop Jackson would have you believe that every single thing that transpires in the world of sports, and perhaps the world in general for that matter,  has something to do with race, and his side of the “battle” always comes out on the losing end. By continually harping about every purported marginal “racial injustice” you are making things worse, not better.

4. Gary Payton / Chris Webber / Ahmad Rashad

Their “shtick” was funny for about 45 seconds and then I went into an epileptic fit. They have basically transformed basketball broadcasting into three guys laughing and talking over each other as though they just shared a  big bag of magic mushrooms. Or blow. Or something. Get it together. Christ.

3. Tim McCarver

Worst baseball color man ever or recent victim of multiple strokes? He spouts non-sense, repeatedly points out the obvious and speaks with that shitty upward inflection that makes it seem like everyTHING is jUST reaLLY incREDIBLE (like he’s shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head with everything he says.) Lord help us.

2. Rick Reilly

Smarmy. Smug. Self-deluded. Unreadable. A real twerp. Rick Reilly has all the tools to top this list, but comes up just short at #2. I used to get Sports Illustrated when I was younger and even at the age of 11 I knew that Rick Reilly was an unrepentant masturbator of a writer. I accidentally read one of his latest articles where he paid a caddy to follow him for two or three days straight on what amounts to a pitch and putt course so that he can try to get a hole-in-one (the caddy is to fetch his misses). He eventually gets the ace. On a 40 yard hole. Well wasn’t that cute. No one cares. Stop wanking off and at least try to write something that matters.

1. Joe Buck

What a self-important asshole. He delivers everything he says with a tone that seems to infer “What I am about to say about this situation is the most  important insight that has ever graced your ears. Listen closely for I am a God amongst men and you shall kiss my feet and my hands and my mouth.” Not to mention the fact that he seems to perpetually inhabit some self-constructed moral high ground where anything outside of his idea of “decent” is deemed to be the most grotesque blasphemy to ever have been carried out against humanity. It’s not rocket science, it’s sports. It’s not curing cancer, it’s sports. It’s not the female orgasm it’s sports. Go away Joe Buck.