We all say some pretty stupid things sometimes. Athletes, however, say them into microphones.

We laugh at these idiotic utterances because these assholes make 10 times more money than we do, doing something that we’d give our left nut to do for a living. Get paid to play golf? Yes, please. Make at the very least $495,000 a year to ride the Marlins’ bench? I’ll take it. Earn millions of dollars to play football? Do I even need to answer that?

Sadly, not everyone is born with enough talent to be paid to play sports. And not everyone who is paid to play sports was ever forced to grasp the concept of English grammar much less subjects such as science, math and geography.

10.“I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.”
- Andre Dawson

9. “Every time that I have ever tried to help a woman out, I have been incarcerated.”
- Jose Canseco

8. “The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can’t say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
– Carl Everett

7. “I wanna kiss you. I couldn’t care less about the team struggguulliing. We’re looking to make a noise now and… I wanna kiss you!”
- Joe Namath to Suzy Kolberg

6. “I want to eat your children.”
- Mike Tyson

5. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”
– Jason Kidd

4. “One plus one is two and C always comes out to A and B. One plus one always be two.”
- Delonte West

3. “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”
- Mike Cameron

2. “I’m traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85.”
- Ocho Cinco

1. “The reason we call that pitch up and in is because the arms are attached to the shoulder.”
– Tim McCarver