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Added September 17th, 2010 by Chalk

NFL Bans Bowling Ball Shots at Bills Games

Ken Johnson has been tailgating at Buffalo Bills games for over two decades. He’s built an international reputation by grilling food on the hood of his red 1980 Pinto and offering passerby free shots of Polish cherry liqueur out of the thumbhole of a bowling ball. But he’ll have to move to another parking lot now because the NFL has deemed what he does “an adults-only, R-rated experience.”

Jeffrey Miller, NFL director of strategic security programs:

The NFL absolutely embraces and supports tailgating. And we also support the responsible use of alcohol. We want people to come and have fun and enjoy themselves and have a great time with friends and family. But we don’t want to make it an adults-only, R-rated experience. We want it to be something that’s inclusive to everybody.

So, why not let the kids take bowling ball shots too?  It’s Buffalo, they’re practically in Canada anyways. Fine, give them a little cherry nyquil or shirley temple shots. Johnson has gone to every Bills game, home and away since 1994. Considering the Bills haven’t made the playoffs since 1999, and haven’t had a winning season since 2004, they should let him stay in the parking lot even if he’s cooking meth in that Pinto.

Miller also moaned that people could potentially get hurt because they traditionally drop the bowling ball after taking their shot of Polish cherry liqueur. (Liqueur! It’s a cordial, not tequila!) “People taking shots out of a bowling ball actually has the effect of repelling families,” maintained mamby-pamby Miller.

Johnson is impressively taking the pariah treatment well.  He’s still driving to Green Bay for the Bills next game on Sunday.  When the Bills return to Buffalo, he plans to just move to another parking lot across the street. Here’s what he had to say to the AP:

It disappoints me that I have to move away from a lot where I’ve been for about 20 years, but I saw it coming a long time ago. I have known for a long time that they want to sanitize Lot 1 and turn it into a family lot. In my case, I do push the limits, so I can’t scream too loudly. But you wonder how many people go to games because of characters like me. I think I add to the experience.

Damn you, No Fun League, damn you.

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