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Funniest Athlete Arrests of the Decade – SportsUntapped.com
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Added November 30th, 2009 by Jack

Funniest Athlete Arrests of the Decade
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In light of Tiger Woods’ Thanksgiving weekend romp over a fire hydrant— a situation in which no one but he and his wife will ever know what really happened — I’ve compiled a list of athletes making complete and utter asses of themselves over the last decade, which should fit in nicely with our Memorable Moments series. Whether the country’s #1 golfer was having an affair, arguing with his wife, drunk, or sleep-walking, his middle-of-the-night fiasco doesn’t come close to some of the crap these yahoos got busted doing.

We’re gonna go ahead and stick to the last decade and completely rule out dog-fighting and murderous rampages, just to keep it a little more current and a little less heinous.

11. In November of 2008, Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself at a Manhattan nightclub, where he was arrested for carrying an unlicensed firearm. He is now serving a two-year prison sentence since the bullet narrowly missed a security guard. What a moron.

10. In December of 2006, Dontrelle Willis was charged with drunken driving when a police officer noticed him stumbling and confused outside his vehicle in Miami Beach. In addition to driving under the influence, the Florida Marlins ace also peed on a lady cop. Wait, maybe that was just a Dugout I read.

9. When the FBI arrived at a Dallas apartment to arrest a woman for heroin trafficking, they were a little surprised to find Michael Irvin, a stripper, and a small pile of marijuana. Though this doesn’t rank as one of the more serious of Irvin’s arrests, his comments are what helped put it on the list: “They tore the house up and found I guess what you would call a roach, a half a joint, and that’s why I got arrested,” Irvin told reporters.

ladycop8. In September of 2002, Randy Moss was arrested for bumping a female police traffic officer with his Lexus Sedan. The officer tried to impede Moss from making an illegal turn, so the All-Pro receiver used his car to knock her down and happily continue on his way. Marijuana was allegedly found in his vehicle as well, but those charges were later dropped. The former Minnesota Vikings receiver was ordered to pay a $1,200 fine and perform 40 hours of community service.

7. In October of 2008, professional boozehound and golfer John Daly was taken into custody by police after he was found annihilated drunk, too bad there weren’t any sports betting props on this and uncooperative outside a Hooters restaurant in North Carolina. He refused to be taken to the hospital, so he went to detox instead, where he had sweet, sweaty dreams of hot wings and over-sized breast implants.

6. Just a week after losing his UFC light-heavyweight title to Forrest Griffin in July of 2008, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson led police on a high-speed chase through Costa Mesa, California, in which he almost mangled a bunch of pedestrians and ignored several red lights. I’m not the only one who finds this funny, am I?

Kitna5. In August of 2006, Joe Cullen (not an athlete) was arrested for obscene and indecent conduct after he was busted buck naked at a Wendy’s drive-thru. After ordering a burger, fries and a drink, the Detroit Lions defensive line coach was asked to pull over and wait for his meal, at which point the manager on duty called the law. Less than a week later, the idiot was arrested again:  this time he was clothed, but driving drunk. Lions quarterback Jon Kitna showed his sense of humor when he showed up to a Halloween party dressed as Cullen, alongside his wife, who was dressed as “Wendy.”

4. Not only did Cedric Benson fail a sobriety test while operating a 30-foot boat, he followed that up by resisting arrest before being stung with pepper spray and dragged ashore by the cops. Who doesn’t drink on their boat? Anyone? Reporting on the incident, Chicago Sun-Times writer Rick Telander poked fun at the situation, “Several police officers reportedly were needed to drag the Bears running back to the squad car. It is not clear if the car was more than 3.4 yards from the dock or if Benson used second effort to avoid capture. The multiple tacklers were, however, a record — the previous high being one.” Good stuff.

vikings-love-boat3. In October of 2005, Fred Smoot, Daunte Culpepper, Moe Williams, and Brian McKinnie set sail on two boats on placid Lake Minnetonka to relax on their bye week. The cruise didn’t last long, as the boats’ employees began to feel a little awkward when the players’ lap dances escalated to sexual acts with prostitutes. Of course, they tried to convince the waitresses to join them in what was later dubbed “The Vikings Sex Boat Scandal.”

2. In March of 2006, Eddie Griffin slammed his Escalade into a parked car outside of a Minneapolis store. The former Minnesota Timberwolves center claimed he was reaching for his cell phone, but video of the accident scene showed him actually telling witnesses he was yanking it to a porn flick playing on his dashboard-mounted DVD player at the time. The titles “Anal Action” and “Privates” were cited in court documents as his two favorite road trip movies. Sadly, just over a year later, the troubled baller was killed when his truck smashed into a train. Rest in peace, Eddie G.

1. In July of 2002, Najeh Davenport was arrested for burglary and criminal mischief. Late one April night, the Pittsburgh Steelers rookie fullback snuck into a dorm room at nearby Barry University and dropped a deuce in a woman’s laundry hamper. He was sentenced to roughly 100 hours of community service after his lawyer said his client would “like to put this behind him.”

Honorable mention: Ron Mexico. SNL tells this story the best…

 
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