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Chan Ho Beard: Is This Goodbye? – SportsUntapped.com
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Added February 22nd, 2010 by Sooze

Chan Ho Beard: Is This Goodbye?
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Chan Ho Park has signed a one-year contract with the New York Yankees to the tune of $1.2 million with $300,000 worth of incentive-laden possibilities. The deal is pending a physical, and possibly the removal of one badass, ever-changing Chan Ho Beard.

The right-hander and his awesome scruff went 3-3 with a 4.43 ERA in 45 games for the Philadelphia Phillies last season, 38 of them starts. Over 50 innings of relief, he sported a nice 2.52 ERA. Naturally, the Yankees took notice of this and decided to purchase him for their bullpen.

Park announced the news at a press conference in South Korea Monday morning, telling his countrymen he had also thought about signing with the Chicago Cubs, who promised him a spot in their rotation. Though the almighty dollar may have played a role in this decision, Park says playoff probability did as well:

“I have chosen the Yankees,” Park said. “A prestigious team that can advance to the World Series again.”

Yes, unlike the Cubbies, who have gone a century without a Championship. The North Side would like to thank you for reminding them.

No one is exactly sure how much of his beard Park will be asked to shave off. After all, Rule No. 5 of Joe Girardi’s Rules of Manscaping declares: “Only neatly cut beards, mustaches, goatees. No long hair or unshaven looks.”  And let’s not forget how laid-back the skipper was when it came to Jason Giambi’s ridiculously bushy mustache. Fans either loved it or hated it, but it didn’t matter once the first baseman and designated hitter shaved it off when he realized it was the mustache that was the root of his .205 batting average. Clearly.

Other famous players who have made the choice to conform to George Steinbrenner’s whims include Johnny Damon, who ditched his caveman look to roam the Bronx outfield for four seasons. I wonder if he’ll retreat to his old Grizzly Adams look now that he’s in Detroit?

Recent retiree and shoe-in Hall of Famer Randy Johnson cut his trademark mullet to join the Bronx Bombers, but these face-blanket sacrifices back much farther than that. Reggie Jackson racked up Hall of Fame numbers with the Oakland Athletics while donning a full face of hair before his Yankee years where he rocked merely a mustache. Meanwhile, Oscar Gamble ditched his famous afro for a more subtle ‘do to join the team, as well.

Welcome to the club, ghost of Chan Ho Park’s awesome beard.

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