Chan Ho Park has signed a one-year contract with the New York Yankees to the tune of $1.2 million with $300,000 worth of incentive-laden possibilities. The deal is pending a physical, and possibly the removal of one badass, ever-changing Chan Ho Beard.
The right-hander and his awesome scruff went 3-3 with a 4.43 ERA in 45 games for the Philadelphia Phillies last season, 38 of them starts. Over 50 innings of relief, he sported a nice 2.52 ERA. Naturally, the Yankees took notice of this and decided to purchase him for their bullpen.
Park announced the news at a press conference in South Korea Monday morning, telling his countrymen he had also thought about signing with the Chicago Cubs, who promised him a spot in their rotation. Though the almighty dollar may have played a role in this decision, Park says playoff probability did as well:
“I have chosen the Yankees,” Park said. “A prestigious team that can advance to the World Series again.”
Yes, unlike the Cubbies, who have gone a century without a Championship. The North Side would like to thank you for reminding them.
No one is exactly sure how much of his beard Park will be asked to shave off. After all, Rule No. 5 of Joe Girardi’s Rules of Manscaping declares: “Only neatly cut beards, mustaches, goatees. No long hair or unshaven looks.” And let’s not forget how laid-back the skipper was when it came to Jason Giambi’s ridiculously bushy mustache. Fans either loved it or hated it, but it didn’t matter once the first baseman and designated hitter shaved it off when he realized it was the mustache that was the root of his .205 batting average. Clearly.
Other famous players who have made the choice to conform to George Steinbrenner’s whims include Johnny Damon, who ditched his caveman look to roam the Bronx outfield for four seasons. I wonder if he’ll retreat to his old Grizzly Adams look now that he’s in Detroit?
Recent retiree and shoe-in Hall of Famer Randy Johnson cut his trademark mullet to join the Bronx Bombers, but these face-blanket sacrifices back much farther than that. Reggie Jackson racked up Hall of Fame numbers with the Oakland Athletics while donning a full face of hair before his Yankee years where he rocked merely a mustache. Meanwhile, Oscar Gamble ditched his famous afro for a more subtle ‘do to join the team, as well.
Welcome to the club, ghost of Chan Ho Park’s awesome beard.Tweet
Leave a Reply
Sign up for the SportsUntapped newsletter and receive free picks and news of the NFL, NBA, NHL, UFC and much more.
- July 21st, 2014
Fans can buy the ground Derek Jeter’s walked on
- July 21st, 2014
Chicago Cubs file lawsuit against fake mascot
- July 16th, 2014
MLB commissioner says nobody’s complained to him about alleged “Racist” team names
- July 15th, 2014
Self-Serve beer machine introduced to Major League Baseball
- June 17th, 2014
Hall of Fame Baseball player Tony Gwynn passes away at 54
- June 10th, 2014
Yankees pitcher Masahiro Tanaka equals MLB rookie record
- May 27th, 2014
Josh Beckett pitches Dodgers first no-hitter since 1996
- May 21st, 2014
Baseball player bites teammate’s ear off
- May 14th, 2014
MLB accused of stealing evidence to fry Alex Rodriguez
- October 5th, 2012
2012 World Series Odds: Start of the Playoffs
- July 24th, 2012
Ichiro Makes Yankee Debut Against Old, Crappy Team
- July 11th, 2012
2012 World Series Odds – All-Star Break Edition
- July 9th, 2012
2012 Home Run Derby Odds: Bautista Favored
- July 6th, 2012
Mets Beat Phillies On Wright’s Walk-Off Single
- July 3rd, 2012
Devil Rays Beat Yankees At The Trop Again