Seriously, how many more eyes need to get poked out before Major League Baseball just bans maple bats all together?  Look at those terrified fans to your left, splintered shards of wood hurling toward them at a dizzying pace.  It’s quite hilarious alarming.

Then again, you should always be aware of your surroundings when at a baseball game.  Not only could a maple bat split in half and fly into the stands to impale you or a loved one, but there is also a risk of foul balls and home runs smoking you in the head, along with wayward wieners shot from t-shirt launchers, while you’re innocently flagging down the beer vendor. 

Yes, maple bats have been providing endless excitement for casual fans for many years now.

Oh, and then there’s that one guy who couldn’t carry four beers all at once if he was paid a million bucks to do so.  He’s an accident just waiting to happen.  This dude inevitably slops some beer on an unsuspecting fan like yourself as he edges past, and if you’re lucky, you manage to dodge the foot-long hot dog strategically stuffed under his arm and smothered in ketchup, mustard, relish, and onion, just before it lands at your feet. 

Yeah, that happened.  And I’m pretty sure no one likes smelling like over-priced Miller Lite.  Or stepping in relish.

Anyway, just pay attention and you’ll survive.

The ban specifies those extra crappy, ultra-thin red and silver maple bats that only dirt poor minor leaguers use.  It won’t apply to everyone, only those whose names cannot be located on a 40-man roster.  These guys have never spent time in the big leagues, and probably never will.  So no, this does not affect your fantasy baseball team.

Are you incredibly fascinated by this maple bat business? Do you simply need to know more, such as the spankin’ new specifications of the barrel?  You should read more about it over here.