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Added November 25th, 2009 by Sooze

Athletes Over For Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving at my family’s house is always a pretty good time. We kick off the morning by cooking a crapload of food and cracking our first beers at like 9am… cause by then it feels like noon when you’ve been hanging out with your mother all morning. Then, of course, we eat like it’s our last day on earth and spend the rest of the afternoon watching football, playing poker, taking naps, and making fun of each other over more beers.

After being invited to partake in Steady Burn’s Thanksgiving Menu live draft this morning, it occurred to me that I honestly would’nt mind wrapping Joe Mauer in some bacon and having him for Thanksgiving supper. Then that idea snowballed into this post you’re suffering through right now! Who would I really want to invite over for the big meal if I had the opportunity to choose from some athletes? Um, still Joe Mauer.

Then I asked my buddies who they would choose, and this is that they came up with…

Unsilent Majority, Kissing Suzy Kolberg: “I don’t eat supper, I’m under the age of 80 and not from the midwest. But for Thanksgiving dinner, give me Floyd Mayweather Jr. I want to see him with his guard down a bit.”

Isaac, Guyism: “Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson. Guaranteed food fight. Also, Matt Millen, so I can punch him in the nuts.”

Hugging Harold Reynolds: “Rickey Henderson. Because he’s Rickey Henderson. And Hershel Walker. All 11 of him.”

Rob, Walkoff Walk: “I’d have CC Sabathia over so we could steal turkey legs off the table and just go play Madden on Playstation 3 all day long.”

Steve, The College Hockey Blog: “Mario Chalmers probably… because of the shot, obviously.”

Eric, Storming The Floor: “I’d like to have Roy Williams over for Turkey Day. I loved the current UNC coach when he was at my alma mater (Kansas), and my mom would probably faint if she got to meet him. Plus, he just had shoulder surgery and I could have a lot of fun with that. “Hey, Roy, do you mind carving?” “Roy, I gave you both wings.” “Mr. Williams, would you like to brutally rend the breastbone of this flightless bird with me? No?”

Drew, Ghostrunner On First: “Steve Nash.  He seems both self aware and interesting.  Plus we’re both Canadian so we could do it in early October, leaving our long weekend open!”

Adam, Black Heart Gold Pants: “I would say Yao Ming. I don’t think the novelty has worn off a 7’5″ Chinese guy quite yet.”

Wally, Kings of Kauffman: “I’d pick Jermaine Dye so I could sit down with him and get his unfiltered opinions on being traded by the Royals for Neifi Perez back in 2001.  He also holds the ‘honor’ of being the last Royals player to top the 30 HR mark in a season back in 2000 so we’d have that to talk about in addition to plenty of other baseball based topics.”

Kurt, Global Sports Fraternity: “Mike Tyson. To hear him ask for more “cwanbewwy sauce.”

Chris, Intentional Foul: “John Wall.  I mean, this is a celebration of giving thanks.  I give thanks for John Wall.”

Brandon, Ramblings of the Unmotivated: “I would invite Charles Oakley.  Finally someone who can tell grandma her turkey is fucking dry and her cranberry sauce tastes like shit-flavored gushers.  I would give thanks for his thuggery, this Thanksgiving and every subsequent family meal. If Oakley had other plans, I’d invite Blue Jackets head coach Ken Hitchcock.  He could tell me stories by the fireplace while I sat on the floor in footie pajamas.”

Josh, Josh Q. Public: “Larry Bird with out question.”

Tecmo, Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies: “Mario Lemieux. So I can thank him for saving the Pens as many times as he did.”

Paneech: “I would invite Elizabeth Lambert so she can defend me while I eat.  She can also kick most of the people at the table’s ass.”

Christopher Rosen, 42-Inch Television: “A-Rod, so I could slip him some laxatives.”

Flubby, Kissing Suzy Kolberg: “No doubt Tony Romo.  I’m not particularly interested in meeting him and I hate the Cowboys.  But if he’s eating dinner with me that means Jon Kitna is starting against my Raiders tomorrow afternoon.  The Raiders would win and I would probably get the game ball. Woo-hoo!”

Brian, The College Baseball Blog: “Kurt Rambis and Kevin McHale so McHale can clothesline him with a drumstick this time.”

Bill, Wondershot Productions: “John Daly. He’s make things interesting.. so long as he sticks to the white meat, we’d be cool. There’s too much of that stuff around anyway.”

Frank, The Rat Trick: “For me I would have Jeremy Roenick over for dinner.  He is my favorite NHL player and favorite Chicago Blackhawk ever.  I grew up in Chicago watching him and now live in Florida and was able to get to Chicago for a  game a couple weeks ago where they honored him in a special pregame ceremony. I would enjoy hearing his stories about his early days and how he developed in to the player he became, what the guys used to do for ‘fun’, and how playing for different teams affecting him.  Also would want to know who were the most influential people in his long career and how playing a very limited role the last two seasons ultimately gave him his respect back. I’d also like to know his thoughts about the future of the NHL.  I don’t think there would be a dull moment the whole night!”

So, which athlete would you invite over for the holiday?

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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6 Responses to “Athletes Over For Thanksgiving”

  1. Jacob says:

    I’ll take two w/Bia and Branca Feres.

  2. Eric says:

    Goddammit, Roy Williams isn’t an athlete. Fuck it, I want to meet Roy Williams.

  3. ep says:

    One athlete over for Thanksgiving one time?
    No jokes (but Ryan Leaf would be all sorts of fun), no dream dates (Maria Sharapova), I want Reggie Jackson there.
    I was a one-year-old when he did it, but I still want to talk about those World Series homers for the Yankees in 1977.

  4. Erin says:

    Andy Pettitte, no contest. Close second would be Mariano Rivera.

  5. Mike says:

    Great entry, Sooze! If he were still with us, I think I would pick Buck O’Neil. Since he isn’t, and I’m married so I can’t really say Sharipova without getting a beat down (not that I would necessarily turn down a beat down from the Mrs….), I think I would have to go with Tom Emanski.

  6. I don’t know the difference in weight between the vise I purchased and the 7″ Groz prescribed but the MDF was a bad choice in retrospect.

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