Aaron F. Boone is officially retired now and is joining ESPN’s Baseball Tonight.  I have several thoughts about this.  Firstly, I did not realize Aaron F. Boone was not already retired.  Apparently he appeared in 10 games last year with Houston ending a completely lackluster career.  Apparently he hit some biggish playoff home run, but I’ve never seen it, and the loser team he was on got their asses handed to them in the World Series by a turquoise-clad expansion team.  So he will not be missed.

But what is ESPN thinking?  I don’t recall ever hearing Boone speak, but I think he has famous relatives.  But all Baseball Tonight has is one one-nut barrel of laughs, John Kruk, and occasional appearances by the mildly interesting and marvelously mustached Dave Winfield. Otherwise it’s just a rotating cycle of craptastic ex-benchwarmers.  None of whom instantly piss off Red Sox fans.

Ideally, ESPN would throw money at interesting retirees like Curt Schilling (bet he’d say some controversial shit, right?) or Randy Johnson (perfect freakishly tall mullet to complement Kruk’s fat mullet).  Problem is, most interesting retirees don’t need ESPN-sized money, so we’re stuck with a show where Aaron F. Boone is a big F-ing name.  God I miss my DVR — I don’t know how people watch ESPN without it.